Pandemic Teaching and Teachers’ Collective Trauma

I hope 2021-2022 was a better year for you than 2020-2021.  I hear the term “collective trauma” thrown around a lot, and it makes perfect sense to me.  An expression that resonated with me was “We were all in the same storm, although we were NOT all in the same boat.”  I’m sure that we all had our own very specific problems that came up between March 2020 and now that are either related to the pandemic or how others handled it.  But right now, at least for me, things feel different today than they did that March. 

 

In January 2020 some of my students were getting a “weird pneumonia.”  We had heard of COVID spreading in China, but it wasn’t in this country yet (at least, that’s what they tell us).  I started washing my hands a whole lot by February, and I remember telling my husband, “I wonder if this will be the last time we eat out at a restaurant.”  A few days before the state closed all school buildings, we started having meetings about advanced cleaning protocols.  Then we closed for a day.  I immediately prepared some activities kids could do at home and Emailed it to parents.  My gut told me, “This isn’t doing to be over in one day.”  Then we closed for a couple weeks.  Our district wanted to know what we were doing to support kids because they (like everyone else) had no idea how to support kids.

 

Around this time, I started creating online activities on Google.  This was before I knew how to assign things on Google Classroom, and before we were asked to teach new concepts online (for months we were told to review only, because we didn’t want to penalize any student whose family could not facilitate a homework routine or did not have the resources to print papers or work on a device).   

And within a week I started updating my existing products on Teachers Pay Teachers. 

 

It was slow going, because I was learning as I went.  There were some teachers who had a head start.  But my priority was never to match them.  It was for those of you who already purchased and enjoyed my products.   

Suddenly you (and I) needed to do ALL our teaching online.  We couldn’t send home folders of papers or bags of manipulatives and task cards.   I was having nightmares about the things I couldn’t do with my students anymore, with all the shame of feeling unprepared.  Like me, I knew you had all these activities to support your standards that weren’t usable.  

So I started updating them.  I was familiar with Google Slides, so I took the ideas behind those pdfs I was selling, created activities that didn’t need to be printed and cut out, and added Google Slide links to those existing products.  That way at least some of your old purchases would still be usable during the time of remote learning.  

 

I made products for comparing and ordering numbers to the millions, long division with remainders, comparing and ordering fractions, decimals, mental math, and mentor sentences for fourth, and fifth grade.

I felt like I was making some real headway with the activities that upper elementary students needed the most practice with.


 

I was getting better at it by April.  Obviously, activities that involve cutting and drawing just don’t translate well to a Google Slide activity.   

 

But I was getting better at it, and then we had April vacation.  And obviously, we weren’t going away anywhere (I was even getting my groceries delivered, so my dream of not having to drive anywhere was coming true, at least). 

 

Then Thursday of my vacation, my mom called.  Hysterical.  My sister died.

 

She was in her 30s.

 

In the height of the pandemic, we couldn’t hold a funeral.  My mother was terrified of even a small gathering with my brother and I so we couldn’t even grieve together in person.  We worked in shifts to go through my sister’s apartment.  My mother did some sorting, my brother did most of the hauling.  I went through paperwork. 

 

This same week that I took for bereavement to sort through my sister’s things, our district, with guidance from the state of Massachusetts, clarified some of the remote learning expectations for the rest of the year.  Suddenly I had to learn how to assess student work on a variety of learning platforms.

 

And then another family member was hospitalized. 

 

That put an end to my dabbling in Google Slides creation. 

 

Trauma Informed Teaching is a buzzword I’d heard before the pandemic.  I’d been a good learner and test taker all my life.  I had no fear of technology.  But now I was learning SeeSaw and Google Classroom and Renaissance and Kami and document cameras and Google Meet and a dozen other platforms.  I sat through trainings over Zoom and I could not follow along.  I was in a haze, tearing up because I couldn’t click through and make notes fast enough, getting headaches, not sleeping well, feeling more absent minded, startling easily, and feeling short tempered.  I was experiencing the effects of trauma on my brain. 

 

I couldn’t blog anymore because I felt like I wasn’t the expert anymore.  I was the one who had a lot to learn, and I wasn’t even doing a great job at that.  At least my administrators and colleagues supported all of us during the wave of educational and protocol changes that kept rolling over us.  But because I wasn’t, well, fully operational, I knew I had to focus all my energy on my own students instead of my Teachers Pay Teachers store. 

 

But then…that was my creative outlet.  I couldn’t go out for recreation.  I couldn’t go to the gym.  There’s more to life than work and losing my little sister was a reminder that life is short.  So I started yoga and crochet.  These were activities I could handle.  They helped me relax.  Completing a crochet project helped me feel accomplished.  Yoga became a routine to calm my mind when life was feeling chaotic.  And I felt like it was going to make me physically stronger too. 

 

Then a year after it started, a vaccine was made available.  I could go out places again.  I could see my family.  Things are back to normal…but also not normal.  We’re not housebound, but Covid is still here with its quarantines, (with students and co-workers suddenly needing a week of extra support) part-time mask usage, and of course, illness.  My sister is still gone; that won’t change.  But my other family member is better (so why am I still not sleeping well?).  I’ve started taking some 1 hour PD sessions this summer, and instead of feeling like I’m in a haze, I’m feeling excited about trying new things.  And I’ve started blogging and creating new resources for my Teacher’s Pay Teachers store. 

 

It's been a long 2 ½ years.  We teachers were (mostly, but not always) praised in the beginning of pandemic teaching.  Then in the middle, well, all of us, parents, teachers, state and local officials, school boards, we all got frustrated and got less praise.  And I wondered, as I walked the halls, "How many of my colleagues are quietly hiding their trauma?" 

I’m starting to find some balance.  I had a rough time learning how to do online learning, and I prefer making activities that students can draw on, cut out, and make a game out of.  But what do you think?  Are you going back to using hands on resources?  Or are your students finding more success with online learning, even when they are back in the classroom? 

 

Let's Keep Educating Ourselves about Structural Racism

When I started creating resources, I thought “I’m not racist; I try to include lots of cultures.”  I make an effort to buy books for my classroom library that represent a variety of perspectives.  I used to have a fun Cultural Foods Event (until continuing this tradition would have meant excluding students with food restrictions).  I thought I was doing plenty in my classroom to make everyone feel seen so I was doing enough.

Now I understand that although I try to kind and inclusive, that doesn’t mean I’ve been perfect.  Just because I don't intend to offend anyone, doesn't mean I haven't offended anyone.  And I need to be open to hearing it when I make a mistake.  Looking back, I can think of 3 specific mistakes I made in my teaching career.  One I was called out on.  One I saw others make too and get called out on.  And one that no one ever called me out on, but I realized oh...I should have handled that differently.  I didn't intend to hurt anyone, but I realize now that I did.  And I regret that. 

I recognize why the assumptions I made and things I said are wrong, and I won't make those specific mistakes again.  But that doesn't mean I recognize every mistake I've made.  Some might still be in public view right now.  I may make mistakes in the future and need to learn from those later on. 

Because I don’t feel like an expert I know I need to educate myself.  Here are some articles and videos I read/viewed:

Vera at Diverse Reads and The Tutu Teacher has helped me grow my classroom library over the past 2 years.  She is passionate about sharing children's literature written by authors of diverse backgrounds and I've been happy with many of the purchases I made.  When searching for her section to link you the most posts at once I realized I missed one of her posts so after I click publish it looks like I'll be doing some Amazon shopping!

This article has a few good ideas for addressing children's questions, beliefs, and behaviors that can easily be adapted from the family context to a school context. 

This is a quick (less than 7 minutes) introduction to thinking about cultural bias and how it relates to racism.  The speaker is a white woman (Robin DiAngelo) and it's a good introduction for people who are pretty sure they are not racist, but want to understand more about cultural bias. 

This is a TED talk (about 20 minutes) by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie about the dangers of seeing diverse groups of people as one.  She grew up in Nigeria and shares multiple times when her eyes were opened to seeing people as “more than one thing” and times when others made assumptions about her, as a former resident of an entire continent they know only a little about.  The takeaway for me is that one thing I can do to help round out my perspective better is to read more.  Fortunately for us, she is an author who has a novel about a family in Nigeria.  But if I choose that one to read, it’s just one of many stories.  And she humorously reminds us that fiction is, of course, not real.  And when we do choose to read nonfiction, it’s interesting to read from both sides of nations in conflict or conquest.  Often one will start the story at a different place than the other, which alters our perspective of causality. 

Of course there are many TED talks and book lists available to help guide your thinking about racism.  These are next on my reading list.

Focus and Goal Setting for Shut the Door and Teach

What will I take away from this blogging challenge?  This post is week 8 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators. 

One thing I loved about this challenge was not having to think of things to blog about.  It was tough at times, but it also proved to me that I still have lots to write about.  All I need is a little discipline and direction.

But at the same time, I’ve taken some time to reflect about blogging and the world of Teachers Pay Teachers.  I don’t talk much about the business end of things here on the blog, but I’ve realized I’ve been putting quite a bit of energy into a lot of areas of the business:

1. SEO for my blog posts
2. Making my pins perfect
3. Video creation for marketing
4. Instagram community building
5. Facebook prompt ideas
6. Looking into the possibility of an Email list

And guess what?  As busy as it’s kept me over the past couple years, I’m just not enjoying it.

So I’m going to take a step back from the marketing.  Don’t get me wrong; I’m glad I did it.  I hope it pays off for me over the next year.  But when I think back over the last 10 years of blogging and TpT, the thing I enjoyed most was making fun items for my class.  So when I have creative time THAT is what I’m going to do. 

So I think this exercise in writing for someone else's prompts made me think about what I wanted to write about and in a greater sense what I want to DO.  I recently read a great article about setting 3 goals at a time each day (no more than that; and they can be carried over to the next day of course).  I think that spending time creating 1 fun product at a time will be 1 of my 3 goals each week.  One of my goals will relate more directly to my class, and the third will be a personal/family oriented goal.  I think this challenge helped me focus and prioritize on where I’ve been and where I want to go next year.  So thanks for a great challenge, HotLunchTray!

Revisiting My Summer Goals

I've been asked to reflect on the goals I set at the beginning of the summer.  This post is week 7 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators.  And it appears I re-prioritized (that's usually how I roll).

To recap, the two professional goals I named were to finish my course on anchor charts and try an online gradebook (possibly Google).

My FIL's place.  Top left corner, anyway (it's an apartment).

The reason I reprioritized is because I have been traveling this summer.  Recharging and making time for family (especially when they live overseas) is important and as much as I love to teach and improve my craft, teaching is not my whole life.  So planning for next year has to wait until after my trip.

As for the anchor charts course, I'm nearly finished!  At first I thought I just got a lot of ideas to copy, haha.  But as I progressed through the course I was happy to find that I really was able to come up with some original ideas for my own new anchor charts. 


Other than that, I've been working on a few personal goals and hobbies.  I spent a good deal of time photographing products for my store.  I've been learning to create videos using that footage.  Stay tuned for more on that!


The hobby I've been working has been hand lettering!

I thought hand lettering would be a great hobby for a few reasons.  It's been a while since I've done any drawing, so I thought this would ease me back in.  It also seemed to complement the anchor chart course (I thought it would help me design some titles).  And finally, I thought it would help me build some fine motor stamina.  As I (and everyone else) do more and more work on computers and mobile devices, I struggle to write by hand for any extended amount of time.  I've enjoyed it so far, and I'm considering trying a more challenging book once I finish this one.

What have you been up to during your break from teaching young humans?

Getting a New Principal: How to Make the Most of It

Getting a new principal can be scary.  What will he or she be like once “the honeymoon is over?”  Will your new principal’s educational philosophy differ from yours and more importantly, will they respect the differences?  There are many unknowns and that can make you feel anxious. 

This post is week 6 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators.

The good news is, I think many new principals, like all professionals, at the very least start out the year thinking that they want to get along with people and do a good job.  They don’t all show it the same way, and although some are skilled at meeting new people, others may might rub you the wrong way on the first impression.  But I don’t think many start out desiring to be the conductor of a train wreck.  So if you’re a veteran teacher at the school, their personality may not allow them to say the words, “I need help getting started here,” they will probably appreciate your help.  And just like you do with your students, you’ll need to differentiate how you provide it! 

Here is my experience.  A week ago, at the request of my principal, I met with her for a one to one chat.  Her way of asking for help came in the form of some introductory questions about me as well as the school.  I personally appreciated that she gave us the questions ahead of time so I could be very thoughtful and honest.  So instead of saying “Everything is fine,” or blurting something out I regret about problems in the past, I could refine my answers.  And I realized that this was my opportunity to be an agent for change in my school.  By giving my new principal ideas about our strengths and areas for improvement for the school, I was shining a light on an area she needs to focus on. 

So I told her that although I don’t have all the answers, I had an idea about a topic we might want to discuss on an ongoing basis at school.  And that is discipline.  Our school used Responsive Classroom over the past several years.  And although I hope we keep some of the elements of this practice in place, I feel that it would be helpful to talk about some guidelines for conduct.  Not download something at random and adhere to it rigidly and with no compassion.  But start discussions about it. 

Was I taking a risk opening up and revealing our weaknesses?  Of course.  But it shows that I’m reflective about my professional practices and the practices of all teachers.  And I think there’s a very good chance she would figure it out by October anyway.  So it’s better that she can plan ahead.  She obviously likes to do that since she asked us to come in (voluntarily) over the summer to meet with her (as a bonus I learned we both like to take time to pre-plan over the summer).  So in the long run, I think she will appreciate the heads up.   

If you are getting a new principal and you are asked to talk about the school, do you know what you would say to help bring positive changes to your school community? 

Lofty Goal Setting for Teachers: Making Writers

Do you believe in small, attainable goals?  Or have you embraced the idea of a BHAG?  That's Big Hairy Audacious Goal?  Well, this post is week 5 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators.  So although I tend to focus on the former, today I will explore the idea of an almost unattainable goal.

The first thing that comes to mind is to make my students into avid writers.  People who enjoy writing.  After all my years teaching fourth grade, I feel like I'm competent in teaching math with games and covering the content areas.  But I still struggle with teaching writing. 

For one thing, we don't have a set writing curriculum.  We have Journeys for reading comprehension, but it's not enough when it comes to writing.  So I look at the standards and I look at the teacher's manual and I feel discouraged.  I don't feel like I have a logical progression in place.

Sure, I teach writing.  The kids write in journals 4 times per week.  We do research in social studies.  We have science notebooks with prompts from FOSS.  And we keep writing folders.  It just that with the rigorous expectations in fourth grade getting ready for the MCAS, I feel like I have more work to do.  Whether or not MCAS helps elevate the rigor of writing skills acquisition, MCAS in an of itself does not motivate students to love writing (often it's quite the opposite). 

So how will I work toward achieving this goal?  I want to refine a year long trajectory with my writing units of study (the first trimester looks good so far; I have 2 to go and then need to go back to check over the whole year in context).  I'm finishing up a course on anchor charts and my final project is related to teaching the writing process.  I have a few units from Teachers Pay Teachers that I haven't tried yet that I'm eager to delve into. 

So I feel like I've broken my larger goal into smaller pieces.  But it's still an immense goal.  Getting myself organized is only part of the equations when it comes to getting kids excited about writing and feeling confident that they can do it.  I still have a month and a half to think about how I'm going to motivate them.  Any suggestions about fun ways to make writing more meaningful for fourth graders?

Are You Reaching Your Introverted Students?

What is your ideal working environment for teaching and learning?  This post is week 4 of 8 in the 8 Weeks of Summer Blog Challenge for educators.” The first few prompts were a bit challenging for me.  I would read the prompts, step away from the computer, do some cleaning or watch a video, mull it over in the shower, revisit it the next day, and repeat until the end of the week.  This was not one of those prompts.  I have a LOT to say about one very specific sticking point. 

I can sum up my working style in one word:  Introvert.  The ideal working and learning environment for me is a period of observation followed by isolated time and space to synthesize and create.  I've known I was an introvert since I first heard the word in middle school or high school.  But I never really appreciated how misunderstood we introverts can be until a few years ago.  My principal encouraged LOTS of collaboration between students.  I changed my teaching style to incorporate collaboration pretty much at all times (except of course for tests).  And sure enough, I started to feel like the days were slipping by.  Certain students who I most closely related to were not performing as well.  Under his direction, I was squashing my introverts.  And I felt a little lost in my own classroom.

It started with the desks.  I used to move the desks around often.  Sometimes 3 times per day.  For some activities, I wanted small group work.  Often I'd assign jobs within groups.  Other times we'd be in a circle for a whole class discussion.  And yes, there were times that I had the kids in traditional style rows so they could all quietly focus on their own work.    

He put a stop to that last one.

I knew he was wrong, but at first I went along with it.  Then once I noticed the negative changes in our learning environment I read Quiet:  The Power of Introverts.  I wrote a blog post about this book because it changed some things for me.  I knew that one style isn't better than the other, but I guess I didn't really know how to communicate it to people who didn't understand.  And my principal REALLY did not understand.  I think he saw introversion as something to be remedied.  This book reassured me that both styles are equally important, and that we all need to work together at times and do our own thing at times. 

So I once I remembered to "Shut the Door and Teach" I started looking for work arounds.  Although I don't have all the cute little furniture, I took cues from the "flexible seating" movement to covertly give space to the introverts.  The middle of the room had the groups he insisted on.  During reading, students could sit at a group with a partner to read together and discuss the book.  But around the perimeter we had quiet spaces (under tables, spread out in the library, and tucked into corners) and pillows for independent reading. 

During writer's workshop too, I kept the desks in groups.  Even though it felt like madness to me to have kids talking to each other while trying to write about an experience outside of school, they were physically side by side.  But I circumvented the physical proximity of groups by walking around saying, "Would you like a shield?"  Half the kids said yes.  The kids who still complained about others bothering them were free to choose a table at the side of back of the room.  The kids had freedom to practice and self assess their work in a quiet space, but if he walked in, he saw the groups he wanted and he saw a few kids working together which was important to him. 

Math was the trickiest to circumnavigate.  Once our district ran out of money for workbooks and I had created enough games to cover the standards, it was all group work all the time.  The result was that the stronger students started carrying the lower students, who never had the time and space to think for themselves.  Finding independent activities during math is my next challenge.  Science will be in a year or 2 (since FOSS uses so much hands on group work).    

The group work is great for some kids.  At least half of them, probably more.  However it's so important to make space and time for the introverts too.  We all need to learn to work in less than ideal conditions for ourselves.  But no one should have to do it for 6 hours per day.  Do you find your school embraces the extroverts like mine?  Do you have other ways to help out your introverts?