How to Help a Child Make Friends: Narrative Part One

I want to set aside the academics for a moment and talk about another issue that parents AND teachers worry about.  That is, how to help a child make friends.

Friendship is like magic; sometimes unlikely people make good friends because they complement each other, sometimes friendship is based on very similar interests, and sometimes kids who we think are going to hit it off just aren't interested in each other, or worse, clash.

Sometimes we, as adults, feel helpless when we see a child who struggles socially.  They don't teach us teachers about childhood friendship in teacher college!  It's not that we care only about academics in our classroom; it's that other than teaching cooperation, turn taking, and the golden rule, the nuances of friendship can seem too delicate to get involved with.  So I want to tell you about a recent success story I had with a child who desperately wanted a friend.

Annie was known as a troublemaker from kindergarten through the beginning of third grade, when her teacher decided to make her her special "project."  With extra care and guidance, she helped Annie start caring about school (even though it's really hard for her) and she helped Annie understand that the way she treats people turns them off to her.  She decided she didn't want to be a loner anymore.

That was a huge step for Annie!  The problem is, now that she's in fourth grade, although she cares very much and she knows what NOT to do, knowing what she SHOULD do is a struggle.  And that's where Cara comes in.

Cara has low cognitive development.  She was mainstreamed this year after being in a substantially separate program from first to third grade.  The other children met her in kindergarten, and now that she's back it's been a hard transition, but she's finally found her niche.  Because although she can't keep up with most of what's going on, she is quick to smile, laugh, and go with the flow appropriately.  I'm pretty sure the other children know she has a disability, but they recognize she has a good heart so they support her.

When Annie met Cara, she suddenly felt like she was no longer the "low man on the totem pole."  At first, when Cara had no friends yet, Annie started playing with her.  And Annie realized that Cara needed HER help with things, whereas usually Annie was the one who was slow to keep up.  So Annie started to mother her.

But, inevitably, friends sometimes disagree.

Annie, who is lacking in social development, saw a small disagreement as a disaster.  She thought she was losing her only friend, so she lashed out.  She said some mean things to Cara, Cara's mom got involved, called Annie a bully, and wanted the girls separated.  Annie was devastated.

After I told Annie how much she hurt Cara, she wiped away her tears and although she didn't get to sit with her in class, the girls gravitated back together at recess time without a second incident.  I've told Cara's mom to keep me posted, but there have been no more reports of problems.  In fact, the week before Christmas Annie whispered to me with a sparkle in her eyes, "I got someone a really special present.  I got me and Cara matching necklaces that say BFF."

We got back from Christmas break, and Annie came in wearing her necklace.  That morning, Cara went home sick.  "Where did Cara go?"  Annie asked me.  When I told her, her face fell.  She left the necklace she was planning to give that day on Cara's desk.  I gave it back to Annie and said, "Hold onto it; you can give it to her yourself tomorrow.  You don't want it to go missing!"

But the next day, Cara wasn't there.  She was still sick.

Sometimes, as adults, we forget the feeling of coming in in the morning and seeing "my friend is absent today."  For a child as insecure as Annie, it hurts even more.  I didn't realize it at the time.  But then, after lunch, I saw Denise wearing Annie's necklace.  The one she's been wanting to give to Cara for 2 weeks.

"Say, Denise, where did you get that necklace?"
"Annie gave it to me."

Denise is a nice girl, and she's smart too.  She's not the type to steal a necklace and have the audacity to wear it around and lie about where she got it from.  Annie made a rash decision here, and I did not know how she was going to get out of it.  I didn't know what I could do to help.

To Be Continued.

New Year's Resolutions in the Classroom

I arrived early to pick up my class at Health today.  As I stood at the door I overheard,

“My New Year’s Resolutions are to get better at guitar and to not fight with my sister.”

I stepped in and the Health teacher acknowledged me. “You know Natalie, your sister Lisa had the same resolution two years ago when SHE was my student.”

Natalie looked at me, puzzled.

“We didn’t have our guitar then.”

How to Have Celebrations in Peanut Free Schools

Do you work in a peanut free school?  As you may know, there are many food restrictions in order to keep children with life threatening allergies safe.  This can pose a challenge to the rest of the school community when it comes to what to eat for lunch and snack.  So planning a holiday celebration or special event that centers on food can be especially difficult when no homemade baked goods are allowed.  This does not mean you can’t have your class parties, however! 

How Do I Hold Celebrations in Peanut Free Schools?

1.  Create a list of alternate activities.  Food does not have to be the focus.  Kids enjoy simple crafts, coloring sheets, and seasonal themed games.  You can find many ideas online, purchase materials at teacher’s supply stores, or even delegate finding these activities to involved parents in the PTO or “room mothers.”

2.  Create a list of possible “menu items” for the party.  Fresh fruits are always safe, and most cheeses are too.  Make these the staples of the snack selection instead of baked goods and candies.  Create a sign up sheet for parents to volunteer for bringing in items.  This will avoid having too much or too little of any one item.

3.  Supplement the fruit and cheese by checking the labels of snack foods like chips and pretzels.  It’s very important to read the ingredients instead of searching online for “safe” brands, because manufacturers can change plants and stop being “peanut free.”  Also be aware that any food that says “may contain traces of peanuts or nuts,” because these are unsuitable for peanut free schools.  Add these foods to the sign up sheet.

4.  Ask the parents of children who have peanut allergies for ideas.  Because they are used to 24/7 meal planning that excludes all traces of nuts, they are a wealth of information when it comes to what is or isn’t safe. 

5.  Invite parents to the party.  You can help make the party safer if you have extra adults lookout for food items that “slip through the cracks.”  If you invite ALL parents, you may be lucky enough to have the parent(s) of the child(ren) in your class who have the allergy.  They can be a valuable resource to have on hand. 

6.  Keep a positive attitude around the children and other parents.  Some people are less understanding than others about how crucial it is to keep the classroom nut free.  If parents complain, educating them about anaphylaxis related deaths can help them understand.  For children and parents, deflect complaints by saying “we’ll have plenty of food, we won’t even miss the other stuff.”  It’s a party, so have fun.  Good luck!

How to Give Homework Help to a Child (For Parents)

Does your child get frustrated with their homework quite often? Are you not sure how to help them? I teach fourth grade, and these are tips I give parents who are not sure how to help kids with their homework.

Ask your child's teacher.
Every teacher is different just like every parent is different. Your child's teacher may have expectations that differ from mine. Your goal is to make sure your child is meeting HER expectations.

Learn how assignments are recorded in class.
Does your child's teacher distribute assignment sheets daily or weekly so you know what your child needs to do? Does the school provide notebooks where assignments are to be copied by the children? Find out the system, and ask your child to look at the assignments. If the school does not provide an assignment notebook, it might be helpful to provide him or her with one.

Find out how often and how much homework is supposed to be assigned.
Knowing the homework policy will help you keep tabs on the amount of effort your child needs to put into their work to meet the expectations of the school. Some schools assign homework every night. If this is the case, but your child tells you "I don't have any homework tonight," on more than one occasion, check in with the teacher to see if your child is missing any work. It's better to work this out after a week than to find out on the report card about missing work.

Help your child create a homework routine.

You can help your child get into a routine habit of completing their homework by setting a consistent time when they start it. This might be right after school, after an extra-curricular activity, or after dinner. You can create this schedule with your child to help him or her feel more responsible. Some children are able to tell you that they need a break after school, or just want to “get it over with” right after school, or that their single favorite show is on at a certain time so they’d like to start it after.

Enforce good homework habits.
You can help your child focus on their homework by providing a quiet, well lit, comfortable study area with paper, pencils, and a dictionary. Hannah Montana rarely contributes to homework research, so the TV is best left off. :) Some children benefit from taking a snack or water break after 20 minutes of work.

Be hands-on.
Some children need more parental assistance with homework than other children. If your child completes they work with minimal coaxing, check completed assignments. If your child needs help starting work, look at homework assignments in the agenda with your child. Read directions on worksheets or the textbook page. If your child is has questions about how to start, do two problems or questions together, (as long as your child's teacher allows this!) then observe your child doing the next one or two. Praise your child's efforts. If questions arise about the assignments, and your child asks for help, ask him or her questions or work through an example rather than simply providing the answer. By releasing responsibility, you will help your child be successful, as well as allow them to become more independent.

Make your child's teacher aware of frustration or confusion.
For some kids, saying "I don't understand" or "I need help" is intimidating, and sometimes they just don't know how to ask for help. Write the teacher a note on the attempted assignment to let her know it was difficult. The more specific you are, the better the teacher can assist your child.

Make sure the assignment is packed and ready to be handed in!
Make sure your child's name is on the paper. Also, make sure that the assignment is packed in the school bag along with related books and notebooks as soon as homework is done. It's embarrassing for a child to tell their teacher "I forgot my paper at home" because they left it on the kitchen table. Packing the night before prevents forgetting in in the confusion of the morning rush.

Make Ups
Find out your school's policies about handing in late work, as well as obtaining and handing in homework in the event of an absence.

Ask to look at homework once it has been marked and returned.
This lets your child know that you care about how much they learned. Keep in mind that assignments may not be returned the next day, but most teachers do give assignments back on a regular basis; the papers don't just disappear.

Be consistent.
Asking your child specifics about homework (such as asking to see the assignment sheets and asking to see completed work) does more than show that you care about homework. It also shows them that starting, doing, completing, and submitting homework is a process. Following the process each night will help your child be more successful practicing the skills he or she learned in class.  Good luck!

Prepare Easy Snacks for Kids (For Parents)

You want your children to eat healthy, but we're all very busy. Here are some healthy snacks I've seen my students bring that look relatively easy but still healthy.

Pack a mozzarella cheese stick.
The cheese is pre-wrapped. All you need to do is purchase, tear one off, and put it in a lunch bag!

Choose an apple.
Apples aren't just for teachers. The reason they're so popular for busy people like teachers is because they are healthy, provide quick energy in the form of natural sugars, AND they are easy to pack! The apple skin is all the wrapping it needs, so hand one to your kid and they're off!

Bag some popcorn.
Popcorn that has minimal butter and salt is healthier than chips, but just as convenient. Buy prepackaged/popped bags of popcorn or pop your own to save money.

Go nuts!
Provided your child has no allergic classmates, nuts make a healthy, filling snack.  Just check with your child's teacher first to be sure the classroom isn't "Nut-Free." 

Get plastic spoons with yogurt.
Keeping plastic spoons around along with cups of yogurt makes this an easy snack.

Bag some grapes.
Grapes require no cutting, just washing and a bag.

Give kids some choice.
These snacks are quick and healthy for kids. Try asking them which of the above choices they like best. By involving children in the process, they're less likely to trade an unloved snack for one you didn't plan on them eating. Good luck!

Final Thoughts:
•    If you child prefers bananas or oranges to apples, they're just as easy. No packaging necessary.
•    Some kids like bagged dry cereal to snack on instead of popcorn.
•    Some kids bring bagged baby carrots instead of grapes.

Stop Correcting Homework: A Directive and a Rationale

My principal has asked us to consider the purpose of homework.

That's easy.  Homework is for children to practice what they've learned.

Then he asked us, "Then why would you grade homework?" (other than the fact that it's a district requirement to have a homework grade on the report card)?

Well, I guess I grade homework:
1.  To see if the child is putting effort into what he or she is learning
2.  To see if the child does better at home than in school (although that can either indicate test anxiety or that the parents do it for them)
3.  To see if the child needs help the next day

"Stop grading homework!"  He told us.  Well, more like read it out of a magazine.  But his point was made.

His argument for not grading homework:
1.  Homework is a chance to practice.  So if the child is doing just that, why would we punish them for getting things wrong with a lower grade?  A lot of times when we are learning something new we don't get it right the first time.
2.  If a child understands the concept well, why should s/he have to do 20 problems about it?  If they demonstrate that they understand the concept but forget their homework, why should that lower their grade?
3.  You (teachers) should not be bringing home piles of homework to correct.  It's not fair to you.  And the kids don't look at it anyway.  So really, what is the point?  It's better for them to get immediate feedback on it by looking at a few problems the day it's due, not the day after (or a week later, depending on how swamped the teacher is).

It's an interesting philosophy, and one I'm of two minds about.  I'm not sure how to adjust to the new policy without chaos reigning.  As I see it, here are the pros and cons:

Pros:
1.  Duh, less homework to correct each night!!!
2.  I have been torn when it comes to grading certain kids.  Every once in a while I get a REALLY bright student who just marches to the beat of a different drum.  I know they know how to do the work.  But whether it's laziness, or they don't have the stamina to write as much as the task demands, or they're forgetful, or they're just plain oppositional, they don't hand in homework.  Then they take the test and ace it.  What do I do?  Based on the work they do they nearly fail.  Based on the depth of their understanding they could nearly skip a grade ahead.  So they get a grade somewhere in the middle that doesn't reflect what kind of student/learner/thinking they really are.

Cons:
1.  If there is no consequence for forgoing homework, a lot of kids won't take it seriously.*  They won't do it.
2.  How do I keep track of work ethic without a check, check plus, check minus or 0 in my rank book?  Again, our report card has a separate section for homework grades.  How do I arrive at a grade for it?
3.  It's one thing to correct spelling and most math problems with the children.  But what about a writing assignment, which is so individual to each child?  How do we efficiently correct this in class? 

I'm really unsure about how to make the switch. 

*Then again, he didn't say there should be no consequence!  Just not a grade.  Come to think of it, maybe a consequence would be more of a deterrent than a bad grade to a lot of elementary aged children.

How to Choose a Child Care Center for your Preschooler (For Parents)

Do you need to know how to choose the right child care center for your preschooler? You want your child to be safe, have fun, and learn while you are at work. Not all early childhood education programs are created equal, however.  Besides cost and location, the quality of the program and the talent of the staff are also important to your child’s academic and social development.  If you need to find a preschool or child care center for your young child, follow these steps to help you make a sound decision.

Ask the director of the child care center if their facility is has NAEYC accreditation.
The National Association for the Education of Young Children has set criteria for sound educational practices for preschool children.  They check early childhood education programs who apply before granting them accreditation.  

Ask to look around the classrooms at the child care center so you can check out the environment.
Are there lots of words, numbers, and letters on the walls? Is there children's artwork displayed on the walls? Are there photographs of the preschool children hanging up? This is all evidence of quality early childhood education programs that show a commitment to literacy, number sense, and building children's self esteem.

Ask what is served for snack.
If the child care center director says "juice," ask what kind. At the preschool where I worked, "juice" was actually powdered drink mix. Choose early childhood education programs that promote health and nutrition for children.

Ask what time, and for how long nap time is.
Some early childhood education program facilities have a set time, and others are more flexible to the parent's wishes. Be aware of this if your current nap schedule is working well for your child, and decide if the child care center director changing it would help or create a problem.

Ask to meet your child's preschool teacher, and then ask her about her class.
Be general; don't grill the preschool teacher. Let her do the talking. This way you get to see how warm and enthusiastic (or not) she is when talking about her preschool class. For preschool children that's one of the most important qualities in a teacher that will make a difference, not, "What skills do your early childhood education programs emphasize for children aged 2.9?" Those are questions you can ask the director, who is the instructional leader of the child care center who sets the curriculum.

Ask to see the curriculum.
Some early childhood education programs have "themes." It can be fun for you to extend your child's learning at home. For example, if there is a "safari week," you might bring your child to the zoo the weekend before. The more experiences your child has early on during his or her preschool years, the more connections to future learning he or she can make!